National Puppy Day! (Godsgrave & the importance of pets)

Hello void that is the internet!

I'm gonna keep this light hearted today. 

Firstly, I just wanna say how excited I am for the cover reveal of Jay Kristoff's next book, the sequel to Nevernight. GODSGRAVE! Now, I own the Nevernight with the raven cover art(featured to the right), which I was kinda hoping to get a cover to match but, nevertheless, it is still beautiful and, if you haven't seen it yet you should go check it out and share it round. Rumour has it that Mr. K will be doing a bit of a giveaway... so... get over there and get some signed booty.

Now, to the cuteness!

I think most people can agree that pets are an important part in our current society. They are more than just there to protect our properties or keep pests away or the other carnivorous reasons why we used to keep pets around... Pets are part of our families. They are our children, our siblings, our roommates. And it doesn't matter if you're a dog-person, cat-person, axolotl-person, or all of them. Most people can agree that having one or many fur-friends around is awesome. Especially puppies! How fucking cute are puppies!

Here are some of the benefits of having pets around (that I stole, but am giving credit to, from People.com)

Puppies just make you feel good: There’s a reason they say a dog is man’s best friend. Having a pet, not limited to dogs, is something that everyone should experience at some point in their life. Pets can be calming, mood lifting, empathetic, and so much more. They teach you how to be selfless and responsible as you are caring for another life. Generally speaking, they make you happier. Puppies help manage depression: In some cases, therapists suggest that patients suffering from depression should adopt a pet. An animal will love you unconditionally and also be a great friend and listener. People with depression often benefit from having a pet, especially a dog, as the animal can help them get out of the house. Puppies can help you live longer: There are other health benefits associated with pet ownership (particularly dogs). Many studies show that owning a pet has a positive impact on cardiovascular disease, hypertension, infection control, allergies, stress related problems, blood pressure and psychological issues. Puppies expand your social life: A key to a healthy mind, especially for those who are elderly, is staying engaged with others. A pet is often a conversation starter and being out with a pet often warrants questions or comments from passersby. Bringing your dog to a dog park is a great way to meet new people with similar interests.Puppies help your children learn: Having a dog in the home can build confidence and manage anxiety and stress in children. Children who struggle with reading or math can gain confidence when reading aloud or reciting multiplication tables to their dog.Puppies keep you active: Training and playing with your dog also provides mental stimulation, helps unleash creativity and alleviates stress. Having a dog will also encourage you to exercise as you’ll need to walk Fido regularly.Puppies can take stress out of your life: Having a daily schedule reduces stress for any individual. Having a dog that relies on you at specific times each day (feeding, walking and sleeping) can help establish a routine.

If you are gonna go buy a puppy (or any pet), please consider going to a shelter and adopting. There are so many pets out there that need a home and love. 

And now watch some cute puppies, because ... reasons...

Hugs xxx 

Between Lost & Found - Chapter 7

The girl ran through the woods. She jumped over fallen trees and ducked under low hanging limbs. She heard the thundering footsteps behind her and tried to pick up the pace. One of the dogs ran past her and the rest followed. The pack had grown but were still clumsy with their big paws and large heads.
The girl had noticed that she was changing as well. Her legs and arms had grown longer and thinner, although she wouldn’t have believed that she could get any thinner. But she was stronger than she had ever been. Her legs moved quickly and her eyes had grown keen.
The last dog to pass her cut too close and bumped straight into her leg, tumbling the girl and her long limbs to the ground.
The girl cried out in shock, but when the dog that had bumped her came back to lick her face and nudge at her to get back up, a laugh bubbled out of her.
She had never been so happy.
She lay on her back and watched as a swarm of insects flew amongst the leaves of the trees above. They sparkled blue and reminded the girl of the beetle she had once tried to save. The swarm flew downwards in a cyclone of wings. A couple of them came to rest on the girl’s chest and she had to stop the dog from pouncing on them. 
They were so beautiful. Long bodies and elegant wings. Wasps they were, but they did not sting the girl. They simply walked around on their fragile little legs and then took off again, buzzing pleasantly as they flew away. 
How improbable they were. Such tiny creatures. How was it possible that they contained the same things as she inside their bodies? Brain. Stomach. Heart. And to be able to fly with such small wings, fine and delicate and barely there at all.
As quick as the wasps had flown away, the rest of the dogs, whom she considered her brothers and sisters, came back as well, all crowding and licking and playing. The girl sat up on the soft mossy undergrowth amongst the tumble of wagging tails and boisterous bodies. 
The dog that had rumbled her nudged at her arm until she lifted it to let him under. She hugged his thick neck tightly as he kissed her face. She stroked his soft shiny coat and watched the love on his expressive face. Ears down, he crept further and further on to her lap. She couldn’t stop patting him for a moment, lest he nuzzle his way back under her hands.
‘Oh, Fury. I can’t pat you forever,’ she said to the big black dog that gently lay on top of her. 
She watched his coat gleam as she stroked his neck, but caught sight of her hands. The bones in her fingers had become pronounced, the spaces between joints had lengthened. And she had to think, how many joints are there meant to be on a human hand? There looked to be too many. The tips of her fingers were becoming pointy and her fingernails seemed to be changing color.
‘They’re just dirty,’ she thought, but something about her hands made shivers run up her spine. 
Suddenly, the entire pack’s ears were pricked and they were all staring off into the woods in the same direction. One of the dogs, she couldn’t figure out who began to growl deep in their chest. 
Out of the trees came a beautiful being, a woman, with fiery red hair and green scales instead of skin. She had black horns that rippled and curled from the top of her head. Her face was long and her eyes were large ebony globes cracked with volcanic crimson. She was a dragon. But also a woman. She was naked bar a belt with a sword in its hilt. It was the same dragon lady she had seen before. 
The black dogs continued to growl. They all stood in front of the girl, barricading her from this strange woman. 
‘Sweet girl,’ said the dragon lady in a feminine but rough voice. She then got down on one knee and bowed her head. ‘I mean you no harm.’
At this sign of subordination, the dogs stopped their growls but did not back down, did not lower their hackles. 
The girl stood up and the dragon lady looked up, but quickly put her head back down. 
‘I know you from somewhere,’ said the girl. ‘I have seen you at my home.’
‘Yes, forgive me, sweet girl. I have been …’ she chose her words wisely. ‘… Observing you from afar.’
‘Afar? You came in my home while I was asleep,’ said the girl, for she was not entirely stupid.
‘I have been mesmerized by your beauty and your voice,’ said the woman. ‘News of your crystal voice has traveled far and wide across the kingdom. I had to hear it for myself. I wished to talk to you, but I am afraid that your pack mother wouldn’t allow it.’
The girl heard the words but she was not listening properly. She had never been complimented before, she had especially never been called beautiful. Something grew inside her, a new feeling that she couldn’t quite explain. But she liked it. She wanted to hear the words again.
‘My beauty?’ she asked.
The dragon woman looked up and back down again, keeping her head bowed, horns pointing towards the pack of dogs protecting their sister. ‘Yes, sweet girl, I had heard stories of the human beauty that could sing to the forest. I had to come and see her for myself.’ She chanced another look at the girl and her dogs, but this time she kept looking.
‘And what was it that you wanted to say to me?’ The girl stood up a little taller.
‘Our queen wishes to have a meal with you, she is to have a feast in your honor,’ said the dragon lady.
‘Queen?’ thought the girl.
She stepped in front of the pack and the dragon woman stood up. At full height, she towered over the girl as a tree does a shrub.  
‘What is your name?’ asked the girl.
‘I am Lady Kavain, left hand of the queen and keeper of Dracorllia,’ said the dragon woman with an inflection a human couldn’t mimic.
‘Dracorllia?’ asked the girl, trying her best at the strange accent.
‘Yes, that is my home, where all the Dracorlla people live. It is on the other side Evermeer,’ said Kavain.
‘Evermeer?’ asked the girl.
Kavain smiled, showing her sharp teeth, glistening white. ‘Yes, sweet girl, that is where we live. That is here,’ she said with a sweep of a taloned hand.
The girl felt excitement building up inside her. There was a queen and she wanted to meet with her. She was throwing a feast in her honor. She tried to keep her decorum, but the smile touched her lips, escaping like a bug trapped in cupped hands, squeezing through the cracks between fingers. 
‘When is this feast?’ asked the girl. She may not have been stupid, but she was still young and impressionable, hopeful.
‘Why, tomorrow night, sweet girl,’ said Kavain. She said night as if that was an actual thing. But Kavain had not seen darkness since she was a child and the last human king had ruled. 
The girl laughed a little, for she had not seen nightfall either. ‘How will I know when it is night?’ the girl asked.
‘I will return tomorrow and escort you to the castle.’ Kavain looked over the girl. ‘And bring you some clothes. Maybe you should also think of taking a bath. It is rude to be in the presence of the queen smelling of dog.’ This last sentence made Kavain kick herself. She immediately saw the look on the girl’s face change. Kavain bowed her horned head toward her and averted her eyes. ‘Forgive me, sweet girl, I only wish to serve the queen and yourself.’
‘That’s okay, Lady Kavain. You did not offend me,’ the girl lied.
‘I must be off to inform the queen that you will be able to attend. Her Grace will be quite pleased,’ said Kavain, straightening up once more.
‘I can’t wait,’ said the girl.
Kavain bowed for the last time and then turned to leave. She tried not to think about the young human girl and her sweetness. She could see it on her face, her excitement at such a prospect as to meet the queen. Instead, she thought about her own daughter. Her beautiful Kavina. And all the other Dracorlla children in her home. The death of this one human child would continue to save theirs.

Need to get my shit sorted

Just to give you an idea of how my brain is right now... I had to check how to spell February.
I slept in till 7am. Sleeping through both mine and my hubby's alarms. Both of the children are snotty and sick. It is the day before Valentine's day and I haven't written in 4 days.
I know why I am stuck under this unholy leviathan known as writer's block. It is because I am stressed the fuck out and it is hard to escape into worlds of your own making when you can't keep your mind on one topic.
I will not beat myself up though.
This too shall pass.
Today I am meant to be starting my healthy eating again. Coffee and a cigarette is classed as a balanced breakfast, right?
I am also meant to be hoping back on the exercise train and the quit smoking train. LOL
Wish me luck at the florist today.
I hate Valentine's day...
Hugs xxx
#onewordatatime

Between Lost & Found - Chapter 5

The girl closed her eyes so tightly it hurt her head. Time seemed to stretch on and on in front of her. 

Suddenly, she felt something hot and wet slide up the side of her face. She opened her eyes to see the giant black dog and its open mouth right in front of her, its moist breath hot on her skin. It licked her face where tears had streaked. She hadn’t even noticed that she had been crying.

Several smaller dogs, the ones that had been hanging around, came tumbling in behind the larger one. The girl noticed that they were clumsy, their feet and heads too big and not in proportion. They tugged at the larger one’s ears, nipped at its ankles. 

The pups crawled all over the girl. With no concept of personal space or stranger or of the unknown. 

They simply loved her.

They kissed her face and rubbed themselves against her. Twelve the girl counted. Twelve pups. The bigger dog that towered over them all had teats heavy with milk, the girl guessed that she was their mother.

The mother dog lay down on the ground and the girl watched as the pups, the size of large dogs themselves, all crowded around their mother. The giant beast of a dog offered up her belly to the hungry brood and all the pups took a teat and suckled. 

A peace fell on the forest – the quiet that surrounds a mother feeding her young. A quiet the girl had never known. 

The girl relaxed as she watched the pups, who had been rambunctious only moments ago, become sleepy and content. That is when she remembered the strange dream she’d had. She remembered suckling at a giant black dog, the milk of the mother saving her.

The mother dog looked up at the girl, her big head heavy with sleep, ears flopping, eyes burning. The mother blinked slowly then placed her massive paw on the girl’s leg and tried to pull her in toward her. 

The girl hesitated a moment, but the mother was insistent. Eventually, the girl gave in and suckled alongside her new brothers and sisters.

This part is a short one. Sorry, guys. Hugs xxx 

Writing, depression and that hag in the attic

My writing efforts lately have been pretty dismal. Personal issues, coupled with a bad beta review and BAM there it is, that hag in the attic has crept down out of her hole, through the webs of my mind to come and tell me how shit I am.

Writing can be hard enough as it is, but couple it with a mental illness and it can be near impossible. I feel sometimes that it seems to be the curse of the creative. We are sensitive, we see the world differently to non-creative folk. We take in more than any normal person should and this can be a kind of catalyst for bad mental health.

Of course, there are many different reasons for mental illness: family history, brain chemistry, the fact that I am not a doctor. There are so many factors and so many triggers, it can be difficult to determine when you should seek professional help and when you are just having crappy time. 

I once posted on social media "If you don't or never have experienced either of these things (anxiety and depression) then you are a very lucky person. Depression is the vampire that sucks all that you are out. And anxiety is the bugs that crawl under your skin to take what is left…" I stick to my guns on this description. 

Anxiety and depression are not just problems that can be cured by drugs, they are not something that you should try to deal with on your own. But the trick is recognizing this before it is too late and then doing something about it.

Depression is serious. It can and will affect more than just yourself.

If you know someone with depression and anxiety issues, please reach out to them. Don't try to fix them. Just make sure that they know you are there. And stay there... This is way more difficult than it seems. People with depression can have sudden mood swings and staying around when it seems like you are not wanted is very difficult. Even more so if you both have mental health problems.

And if you have depression or anxiety yourself then stay strong. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Let people help you back up the spiral. If you feel that you don't have anyone to turn to there are lifelines to contact in most countries. Utilize them.

Now, getting back to the writing part. I do have a sense of ... ease with my anxiety and depression. That sounds a little fucked up, but hear me out. I have an insight into a world a lot of people don't. I see things differently, I have unique experiences that my fucked up brain gives me... so I use them. Most of my stories seem to circle around some sort of mental illness. I use these things because it is what I know. I'm not saying that I have DID (what my protagonist has in Dead Bunnies) but I have had poor experiences with doctors like she has and I have been given the wrong medication and panic attacks are something of an old family friend that I know too well.

Also, about the hag in the attic. And no, I don't have an elderly tenant that lives upstairs, this is my name for the doubt and fear and self-doubt and poor self-esteem that comes creeping down from my mind. She comes down and tells me how shitty my writing is, how no one likes it, that I'll never be a REAL writer and that I like terrible in my swimming costume. 

She can be a real bitch sometimes and what she says can really affect my writing and life in general. It is important to recognize these thoughts for what they are. Bull shit. 

When these thoughts come to you try not to make any big decisions. Just keep going with your routine and politely tell her to go fuck herself.  Your writing is awesome. Your art is awesome. You are awesome.

Hugs xxx

Sad news

Today I have sad and disappointing news... My publisher has closed. With a mixture of personal issues and other things they have been forced to shut down.

They are handing all their authors back the rights to our books and cover images. All of our books and stories will be unpublished.

I'll be honest... I have no fucking idea where to go from here.

At first, I thought I might just self-publish Dead Bunnies and give away my short stories for free (like I normally do. I am a big believer in free stories.) but, for some reason, this doesn't sit well with me and there is something inside me telling me not to.

I know that I have spoken of self-publishing in the past, and I do believe that it is possible to make it work, but I have always wanted a publisher. Deep down in my little, blackened soul, I have always dreamed of the big deal. Not because of any money side, but because having a publisher means reaching a wider audience. It means being able to connect with more people.

So, maybe I will keep Dead Bunnies for now. Maybe I will put it on Wattpad and let it just be read and enjoyed by people. And then I will submit to an agent with Under The Corners of Shadows and Madness.

With a heavy heart, I bid farewell and RIP to Ink Blood Publishing. And I wish everyone connected to IBP all the best within their careers and lives. 

That is all for today...

Happy writing. Never give up hope.

Hugs xxx